To be honest, I cheated. There's no way I could write that much non sequitur off the top of my head. Much of it is copied off randomly selected entries from the Twitter public feed (http://twitter.com/public_timeline).

At first I actually planned to capture several hours worth of the public feed and use a Markov chain to generate random text from it. But that was really just too much work for a one-off joke. Even for me.