Jewish personal ads

[topaz]

This item, coming to me by way of an old, old family friend, purports to be personal ads actually culled from Israeli newspapers. I am, shall we say, skeptical. :-) But I knew I had to share them with you all.

Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house.

Shul gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write.

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows?

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important.

Orthodox woman with get (Jewish divorce), seeks man who got get, or can get get. Get it? I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.

Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Tannis, Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks Companion for living life in the "fast" lane.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in a woman.

Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write.

Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.

Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.

Staunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who will accept my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it.

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles,havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.

80-year-old bubby, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male, under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I?

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.

Comments

[jss]

Oi.

[pancua.livejournal.com]

o.O

Wow....

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

that'd be a rousing "oy vey gevalt!" from this corner... (why -ever- would you be skeptical?!)

[crouchback.livejournal.com]

Skeptical is a polite way of saying "I think this is utter bs," right? :)

Didn't find anything on Snopes like this, but I share your skepticism.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

hee. (uh, that'd be "yes." :) )

[randysmith]

I don't actually feel all that skeptical, but I made the finalists for whose picture to put next to "gullible" in the dictionary, so ...

[jss]

There's an Easter egg in the Nextstep Webster.app application (the online dictionary). If you look up the word "gullible," it shows you the picture of the user logged into the console. So yes: "your" picture is next to "gullible" in the dictionary.

[crouchback.livejournal.com]

The entry for "Staunch Jewish feminist" smells like something my dog left on the ground, to me.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

So I don't care if they're real personals. They're still funny. :)

[willyumtx.livejournal.com]

The orphan one amuses me. I wonder if it's true.

[catya.livejournal.com]

i love the "oh just forget it"

[boutell.livejournal.com]

The latke one is grinworthy.

[lcohen]

i've seen those passed around as e-mail for years so i think you're right to be skeptical.

still amusing, though.