wrong. wrong. wrong.

[topaz]

There's free coffee at the office, and while it's not very good coffee, hey, man, free coffee.

For additives I have a choice between whole milk and nondairy creamer. Which is okay, whole milk is almost as good as half-and-half for lightening coffee, so I go along with that.

This morning I noticed a quart of half-and-half in the fridge. Which I wouldn't go out of my way to get, but you know, as long as it's there, I might as well.

So I took it out. And then I saw what it was.

It was "Fat Free Half & Half."

What the hell? Fat free half-and-half? Like dehydrated water? Or unscented deodorant? How the hell is that supposed to work?

The ingredient list includes nonfat milk, milk, corn syrup solids, a whole mess of carageenan and a bunch of things I don't know how to spell. In defeat, I put it in my coffee anyway, and so far I haven't exploded.

Comments

[jacflash.livejournal.com]

I tried that stuff once.

Once.

Try tasting it straight. Scary, innit?

[qwrrty.livejournal.com]

Try tasting it straight.

Mustn't! It burns! IT BURNS!

P.S. your user icon is even more excellent than mine.

[khedron.livejournal.com]

I tried that stuff once.

Once.

This reminds me, it's about time to see that movie (http://imdb.com/title/tt0087507/) again.

[slinkr.livejournal.com]

Isn't fat free half-and-half basically none-and-none?

Today's my last day at my old job. I've been loaning the office my coffee grinder since we gave up the coffee delivery service last month. I think they've pretty much figured out how to manage without me, but there was some consternation about the future of their coffee supply.

[fj.livejournal.com]

It's so good to be valued for the right things.

ObTopic, ObFuturamaQuote: Random product shot of a carton of "Third, Third, & Third"

Now we know that the third third was: the other half of Fat Free Half & Half. That way they can make Reduced Fat Half & Half.

[qwrrty.livejournal.com]

Half-and-half is half milk and half cream, so fat-free half and half is more like "half-and-SOMETHING-EVIL-JUST-TO-TAUNT-YOU".

Breaking up is hard to do. *nod*

[lcohen]

*sigh*

earworm. thanks, ever so.

[huaman.livejournal.com]

It's up there with low-carb bread, it is.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Ooh, though, I'm a big fan of low-carb bread. Sure, it's a dumb phrase, but since low-carb dieters don't count fiber in their carb counts, what it actually means is "high-fiber low-sugar bread". I've been wanting a choice of breads for a long time, and now I have it! It used to be difficult to get breads with lots of fiber in them, and I was at the mercy of whatever single loaf I could find. Now, I can walk into most grocery stores and just buy the trendy bread, and I'm finally getting what I want!

[lhn.livejournal.com]

Ooh, though, I'm a big fan of low-carb bread. Sure, it's a dumb phrase, but since low-carb dieters don't count fiber in their carb counts, what it actually means is "high-fiber low-sugar bread".

Low sugar and low starch, isn't it? (I do so miss the late 80s/early 90s pravda where complex carbohydrates were supposed to be a good thing. :-) ) Some of them aren't bad (albeit somewhat crumbly), though others attempt to replicate the texture of softer bread by adding stuff that imho just makes it weird and unpleasant. (It's sort of an unacquired taste for me-- the local bread store has a low-carb bread that I loved the first time I had it, but I couldn't even finish the second loaf we bought-- IIRC, it used tofu, among other things, to give it body.) Natural Ovens brand low-carb breads are okay, though.

[jacflash.livejournal.com]

And here I thought that "low carb bread" was just thinner slices of a smaller loaf.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Me, too.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

I do so miss the late 80s/early 90s pravda where complex carbohydrates were supposed to be a good thing. :-)

Yes. :)

Some of them try to be less crumbly in strange ways -- I mistrust a lot of thickening agents, or whatever they use -- but I'm much more likely to enjoy a random low-carb bread loaf than any other.

Natural Ovens, hm? I'll give them a shot.

[huaman.livejournal.com]

Hrmmmm. So then... it's not entirely unlike, say, whole-grain bread lacking craploads of overprocessed and moderately artificial ingredients? As a rule, breads fitting that description (which aren't really supermarket staples for the most part) are my favourite breads. You know, hippie granola bread. The kind my mother forced me to eat instead of white bread when I was a kid, and I swore that I'd eat all Wonder Bread all the time when I grew up, except, I grew up and can't stand Wonder Bread type stuff and only want the kind of bread my mother would have baked on the commune?

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Yes! Well, sometimes. Some of them. That's my favorite kind of bread, too, and now I stand a chance of getting it at Stop & Shop rather than at the organic hypermarket.

[lhn.livejournal.com]

Yes! Well, sometimes. Some of them.

And vice versa. They're overlapping sets, but there are also whole grain breads that aren't particularly low-carb. prilicla and I have been eating whole grain bread for years (in my case, likewise after a childhood in which I would accept nothing but white bread and deeply resented visiting my aunt and uncle who only bought wheat bread), but we've become much more aware of carb content since she started needing to control her blood sugar.

[khedron.livejournal.com]

Uh oh. Does that mean I have to stop sniggering when I walk into an Einstein's and see the sign for their "low carb" bagels?

I've decided that I do want to try the low-carb Coke. If it's slightly adjusted Coke with half the sugar, that could be okay.

[lcohen]

what's the matter with unscented...well i guess for me it's antiperspirant, not deodorant? but since i'm allergic to perfumes, it's the only kind i can safely use.

otoh, fat free half and half....what is that? whey?

[qwrrty.livejournal.com]

Doesn't deodorant essentially work by covering up one odor with another one? Does unscented deodorant actually do anything?

[lcohen]

well either the stuff i use does something, or i've been stinking up the joint and no one has been willing to tell me for twenty years now. and since i can tell when i've had a failure, i think it's option number one. i've actually never seen unscented deodorant come to think of it, though--only unscented antiperspirant. so i think your theory and mine can coexist peacefully.

[lhn.livejournal.com]

That's one mechanism, but I think a more important one is acting as an antiseptic/antibacterial, to kill and inhibit the growth of the bacteria that cause odor. Antiperspirants stop sweat directly, I believe by plugging the pores with aluminum salts. AFAIK, either can work fine without a scent. (Though if not, who would tell me? :-) )

[ceo]

The lesson for today is to drink your coffee black, the way God and Juan Valdez intended.

[qwrrty.livejournal.com]

Good coffee I will drink black, especially if it's accompanied by something appropriate, like a bowl of sweet cream ice cream or a slice of cheesecake. As has been noted, this is Not Good Coffee. I need to cut it.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Yes Indeed.

[points.livejournal.com]

Your attention please. Topaz just exploded. I'm going around and trying to squeegee the monitors, now.

[lcohen]

*giggle*

i mean, oh dear.

[jss]

Maybe I'll get a callback from them after all, since now there's that open position....

[keyne.livejournal.com]

The ingredient list includes nonfat milk, milk, corn syrup solids, a whole mess of carageenan and a bunch of things I don't know how to spell.

Apparently you can't spell carrageenan either.

(Oh-oh. He knows where I live, doesn't he?)

[jacflash.livejournal.com]

Actually, it's spelled SEAWEED GLOP THAT DOESN'T BELONG IN MY COFFEE DAMMIT!

[keyne.livejournal.com]

Aren't you glad that you've given up coffee (http://www.livejournal.com/users/tmcm/), then?

[jacflash.livejournal.com]

I've given up caffeine. Not quite the same thing.

*sips his cup of decaf larded with REAL CREAM, BABY!*

[keyne.livejournal.com]

Mmm, lard.

[jacflash.livejournal.com]

*makes a note in your file*

[qwrrty.livejournal.com]

My statement is correct as I posted it. It includes a whole mess of carrageenan and "a bunch of things I don't know how to spell." These things are not mutually exclusive.

(Oh-oh. He knows where I live, doesn't he?)

You'd think you'd have learned by now, huh?

[lcohen]

i initially read this as "you'd think i'd have learned by now" which is funny in a whole different way.

okay, sorry to make so many entries to one entry of yours!